I had an appointment today for the wheelchair that I am getting renewed, the process has changed a little bit, so you have to fill out a five question form that asks you about how your disability effects your everyday life; basically asking, what you can do yourself.
The words that make up the questions are flat, two dimensional and to put it dramatically pretty heartbreaking.
I achieve at the highest level in all but one of my subjects at school, I am far from dumb and bounds away from incompetent and yet these questions, their answers did not reflect me that way; because the words were so rigid it left no room for personality and reflected the severest version of my reality
It hurt a lot to have to say I need help with most things, because to me that was devaluing what I could do and in my mind I can do a hell of a lot. More then I could last year or 5 years ago.
I got upset for a while, I mean Kim Kardashian during 72 day marriage upset, a lot of you out there might not understand why that was; it might be difficult, to get it if you haven’t rolled that roll, but here’s the thing.
I am sure each of you understand at times, what it feels like to feel as if you are stuck within a box, stuck within words that do not do your personality justice or in a situation that makes you feel less confident.
Those situations will be different for each of us, but I got two pieces of really good advice today and I have got my own advice to chuck in there; so even if you don’t roll like me, I hope there is something in here for you. Let’s roll.
I sent a text to my proverbial second big brother figure after I had finished my iceberg-that-hit-the-Titanic sized meltdown his reply I was going to picture on here but there were some less then PG words so I’ll cut the embellishing words and give you the advice.
It is a means to an end
Sometimes you have to do things, that you don’t want to do or that don’t fit with what you think or how you want to be seen, if these things are entirely your choice e.g your friends are going out drinking and you feel pressured.
Then make sure you stand your ground and do entirely what you want to do. Respecting others choices of course.
But if you have to fill out the form like I did, in order to get something; then it is a means to an end and once I get the chair, once I am able to be more self sufficient I will be sure to not tick the box I had to today. Somethings you have to do, in order to be able to grow; so do them with growth in mind. Don’t feel like doing any study? Do you want that degree or fries with that? It’s your choice; keep the end game and your personal growth in mind because somethings you have to do. To be able to do more.
How it is now is not forever
Before you think I am signing up for robotic trials and trading my wheelchair in for an (ethical) Nike shoe deal. When I say how it is now is not forever I am not speaking in reference to my chair use. I will always use one (thank goodness otherwise I would lose all of my comedic ability and parking positives in one swoop) and I am honestly not mad, sad or any of the other emotions other then happy and prideful about that fact. However when I say how it is now is not forever, I am speaking like, I hope I can do up my own buttons by the time I am 32.
Don’t worry I can do up buttons it just takes a while but I am working on it! There is always room for progress and if you don’t like how something is now, remember it will not always be that way if you make an effort and put in the work.
As I said somethings will always be as they are, but if you work toward the best life possible within your circumstances, you’ll be like Drake no longer at the bottom, where you started but here.
Put on a dress and handle it
This little bit is my favourite, because I came up with it. I’d like to think that one day I’ll use the phrase date in a context that does not mean the 14th of July so on that day when it comes and the person I am going with chucks on his Nikes and takes us Canyon Swinging (because what else would I do) I’ll chuck on a dress and some fly kicks and I’ll handle because I will know that I have gotten through everything else; sometimes we have to think of that, that day we are wanting at some point it may not be here yet. But we have to chuck on a dress and handle all the days until then. Because this is our life and nobody is going to live it for us, so be fly.