Love? What.

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One of my favourite people, she is really rare, most people are either abstract or logical. She’s both. How a person can write and read exceptionally; think abstractly, but can also tell you that love is not emotive, but a chemical reaction – I have no idea, she does both these things and I love that about her. For those who wondered I am 100% abstract.

Since I am fully abstract when I was told today by this friend of mine, that love is more a chemical reaction then emotive – or existent in terms of romance I didn’t take it well. Don’t fret we didn’t go all Rousey, I mean I laughed and blocked my ears saying “stop crushing my dreams, stop, stop, stop” and then we Snapchatted about it. Through out the day we talked about it, my Biology teacher joined in with some truth, about how all these chemicals seem to work. I got it by the end of the day.

That love is emotive and chemical. It is logical and abstract.

What I struggled with though is this idea that now I knew what love was, I didn’t feel as if I measured up to the definition. Confused? Let me explain. I am not very science savvy so this will be low on terminology, but here goes: From my understanding feelings of love release endorphins (chemical) but that chemical release has to be motivated by a persons emotion and or action; these may include but not be limited to, seeing (person you’re attracted to) with puppy, baby, giant guinea pig (they exist).

My question to myself was then, how am I ever going to be a person that motivates these emotions in people? And I also released I am really not going to. When guys see me their heart doesn’t race (I’d hope not, for health reasons) I can’t pull people in with my charm, because in the place of charm I have inappropriate humour. (Seriously ask my Biology teacher)

I have a joke with another of my newly favourite people that I am far left and everyone is centred, well that’s how I feel and it’s true, I am to a degree different to most people I know, not because I am disabled, but because if you asked me who I think should be elected for Howick’s ward I would tell you Matthew Cross, however if you asked me what I thought of the current no 1 in the top 40. I would ask you what that currently actually wasI am completely different and that is 100% okay, it also doesn’t mean that someone someday won’t appreciate my absence of charm and mountains of inappropriate humour.

The secret they don’t tell you is that everyone feels far left, sometimes.

That’s not saying I don’t wish I had charm, that’s not saying I wish I was talking to someone until the early hours of the morning (expect in exam week because education is paramount) I do want all those things and put down ya feminist signs, because you can be strong and independent but also with a guy, who you appreciate when he pays for your coffee. The two ideals are not seperate.

You can be strong, independent and in a relationship.

My point is I do want to be those things, charming, attractive; but that doesn’t mean who I am and where I am – which for those of you who haven’t guessed is not in a relationship. Isn’t good enough,  who I am will be appreciated and loved by someone, I have to believe that – and there are some days (often) when I don’t believe it at all. That’s okay too.

This ideal of love that we have and what you need to do to achieve it, is to a degree true. Everyone likes a little charm, but everyone has a different definition of charming, Perhaps my humour is charming (doubt it but hey!) I guess my point in writing this is to say that whatever your belief is about life, love is apart of life and however you find it, you will find it. I am saying this as much to myself as to you, I need to believe it too.


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