My best friends name is Ciara. She’s probably bar none one of the raddest chicks, ever. She used to say to me, when it came to dealings with boys – now men “there is more fish in the sea” I vividly remember her saying that to me, many-a-times.
Trouble is that saying is useless to me, because I’m not a fisherwomen.
Further trouble is I don’t want there to be fish in the sea, plural, I want there to be one fish. One person, one person for me and there is one person, he just ain’t around yet (or hasn’t made himself known)
All of us, women and men, are looking for that “one” assuming we don’t already have them. You can swipe or chat or whatever else and obviously because there is an “ocean” full of men and women, the ones you talk too through the swiping and chatting or meeting might not be the “one.”
However that doesn’t mean it isn’t scary, that doesn’t mean we don’t over analyse, or overthink. Society has got women especially into this habit of doing those things, in fact last night while talking to someone, I was having a full flip out. For no reason and one of my friends, so simply said “chill.”
The only person I hurt when I over analysed, the only person effected when I over thought was me.
It then turned out, my flip out was not needed whatsoever and I had a good ole conversation, society has created these rules, when it comes to chatting to the opposite gender, that everybody seems to follow and know of, but they’re actually unjust. Prime example: We have to take turns messaging first.
What we all seem to forget is you are not subjecting the person on the other end of the phone to water torture, if they reply it is because they want too – and yes you can message first. I am not going to lie, I’d love it if I was messaged first (on the rare occasion when I speak to boys, because I am busy busy busy) because then you’d know that he wanted to talk and feel secure, I get it. However in the words of everyones favourite Gilmore Girls
“You can either spend your whole life waiting for him to realise its his turn or you can throw caution to the wind and make it your turn again”
You do not have to follow constructed rules or ideas when it comes to chatting to people, you can design your own road map. The thing I struggle with most, is the idea that I need to measure up in some way, I spent a long time wishing I could play basketball to land Victor from the X, that didn’t happen but it didn’t need to, because I am me. As women, we tend to put limits on ourselves and what we can do, based on these thoughts of what we should do. “I should be saying this, should be doing this…” but the truth is, what you are doing now is good enough and it is where you are at. The pursuit of finding the one is not done overnight, there are lots of ones before there is the one – or if you’re like me there is none and then there is one, but you don’t know who that’ll be yet.
You simply hope he/she’ll be round soon.
Until he is, have chats, be confident and live your life. That includes the hard stuff, make sure you study and you pull through the difficult times in your life, because if you can do it alone; then when someone comes along, you’ll know they don’t make you strong, they make you stronger. In all we do we have to find our own identity first, once you’ve done back the one will come along.
Featured Image: All Credit // Joseph Ganley // used with Permission