While doing research for a school project I stumbled across an article which said the following “disabled and other undesirable women….”
Reading that word, next to something I am considered. That was a punch to the gut.
Once I’d recovered from the initial shock of such a sentence [my healing took place this very afternoon, I have been shocked for a few days] I got to thinking. Here are my thoughts.
Thought 1: A desirable body
Initial desire is felt toward a person when you look at them. As much as society is afraid to say it, the way we look does effect what people think about us or feel toward us.
And so on.
Bodies are the initial measuring stick of desire and so, I suppose if I measured myself against that stick I would come up short, parts of my body struggle to function, I don’t have calf muscle and you can’t see the back half of me 95% of the time because I am sitting down.
However you could also see it a different way.
My body, which doesn’t work in some senses – is authentic. I don’t have calf muscle, I have scars down my legs and on my hips and personally I love both those things. Because it shows firstly how hard I have worked, through surgeries, to maintain the function I do have in my legs and the fact I don’t have calf muscle, there’s nothing I can do about that – and fighting this fact is fighting my authentic self.
So if authenticity is what someone desires in a body, I have that in bucket loads.
And that’s the thing about ‘desire’ it is defined differently person to person and heart to heart, what one finds desirable another may not – and just as I can change the way I perceive my body people’s perception can be different than that of what this article suggests.
This is why that article hurt me so much, because it made a general statement, about people like me [and indirectly my own] body and self.
My body is desirable, it might not be obvious you may not feel the need to stop in your tracks when you see me rolling, but it is desirable and I believe that people see that. Even if this article says they [they as in able-bodied humans] do not.
Thought 2: Sometimes ‘nice’ bodies, hide biarches
If we were to define ‘desirable’ as skin deep, or just about the body. Then we would be ignoring entire dimensions one another.
Example: Yes, someone may look very nice, but they mightn’t act very nice – or their personality may not be found desirable by you.
You can’t tell someones heart and soul, by just simply looking at them – sometimes ‘nice’ bodies hide biarches.
Humour, articulation, confidence, compassion all these things are desirable – and the kicker is that we all know that. All of us know that desire about more than a body, but for some reason – we don’t believe that [all the time.] For myself, momentarily I thought desire was all about a body after I read that article – because that article cut down my confidence and made me feel badly about myself – even if only for a little while.
We’d be naive to think that we’re always going to be confident in our bodies, and in who we are or what we are doing. Sometimes we will yearn to be something or someone else feeling feelings like this does not make you a bad person or any less worthy – it makes you human.
I promise you though, that you are desired for so many reasons, you are an amazing person and you need to believe it, because being desired is about so much more than the skin you’re in, but you need to be happy with that skin.
As with all things, it starts with you. What you believe about yourself holds the most power over you. So I suppose the question is what do you believe?
I believe myself desirable.
Jordan Bone wrote a beautiful piece – one which I think you need to read if you are grappling with desire, body image issues or a lack of self-confidence.
You can find that here: https://jordansbeautifullife.com/2017/03/13/staying-true-to-yourself/