SPEND A DAY WITH MY INNER MONOLOGUE
7:00 AM –
*AT BUS STOP*
My Inner Self says “please, be a nice driver, please just let me on the bus, please just put the ramp down”
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS: BUS DRIVER IS NICE, PUTS RAMP DOWN. SUCCESS!
*GETS TO SECOND STOP*
My inner self says “Okay, don’t yell at the people who are standing in the bus, and blocking your way out, but you will need to be loud enough so they hear you, above the noise of their headphones, and let you out at the right stop. Try and think skinny thoughts too, so they don’t have too move too much”
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS: I DO END UP YELLING, BECAUSE PEOPLE DON’T HEAR ME. BUT I YELL IN A NICE WAY. I PROMISE. I ALSO DO THINK SKINNY THOUGHTS, YA KNOW: CELERY, VICTORIA SECRET, WWMKD (WHAT WOULD MIRANDA KERR DO) BUT ALAS, IT DID NOT WORK. ALL THE PEOPLE IN MY WAY HAD TO GET OFF THE BUS, FOR A MINUTE, IN ORDER FOR ME TO GET OFF. YAHOO, NOT SKINNY TODAY.
*AT UNIVERSITY, CROSSING THE ROAD TO GET TO BUILDING*
My inner self says “Please nobody come up behind me and start pushing without asking, please just let me get over the crossing”
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS: BUZZER GOES FOR CROSSING, I GET ACROSS – NOBODY ASKS IF I NEED HELP. NOBODY STARTED PUSHING ME, YAY! BUT IT HAPPENED TWICE LAST WEEK, SO MY INTERNAL SELF BRACES TO CHANT THE SAME THING TOMORROW.
UNTIL THEN, I GO ONTO HAVE A LOVELY HOUR – WAITING FOR MY LECTURE TO BEGIN
My inner self says “Odds on me having to use my knees to balance the pull-out desk, because I still can’t work out how to or if it locks into place? I vote 70/30”
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS: USE KNEES TO BALANCE PULL OUT DESK, BECAUSE IT DOESN’T LOCK.
Internal self says “girl, you should’ve gone 90/10 – believe in your odds”
*ADMIST LECTURER LECTURING*
Internal self says: “This is so interesting, I’m genuinely loving this – but o.m.g why does precedent sound like president every time I say it, do I need to annunciate the C more? Honestly what if one day I am in front of a J and he thinks I can’t distinguish the founding fathers from Stare Decisis. Girl, you need to ask someone about that, but don’t ask the lecturer. She’ll think you’re nutso.
*LECTURER (WHO’S VERY STYLISH – HAS GREAT SUNGLASSES, PRETTY SURE THEY’RE KAREN WALKER) ASKS A QUESTION*
Internal self says: “I know the answer, I think, do I, oh what if I am wrong, oh what shall I do, shall I answer? Oh my god, but then I’m that kid, that’s wrong in front of everyone – ah well. Let’s answer anyway.
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS: I ANSWER. DID ALRIGHT. STILL CAN’T PRONOUNCE PROPERLY, WORKING ON IT.
*WAITING FOR BUS TO GET HALFWAY HOME*
Internal self says: [like in the AM] “please, be a nice driver, please just let me on the bus, please just put the ramp down”
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS: ONE BUS [WHICH SAID ON IT’S SCHEDULE THAT IT WENT WHERE I WAS GOING] WOULDN’T LET ME ON, AND THE BUS WAS NOT FULL. I DECIDED TO GIVE HIM [THE DRIVER] THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT – I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO PONDER WHETHER OR NOT IT WAS BECAUSE GETTING THE RAMP DOWN WAS TOO MUCH WORK FOR HIM, I JUST WANTED TO GET HOME.
*ON THE WAY HOME*
*Two old ladies and one old man ask me if I need help and if I am okay, while I am sitting near them on the bus*
Internal self says: “I know it’s kind of nice, that they ask me if I need help – so I won’t get angry on reply, just control yourself Gracie – be nice. o.m.g though, three people – I must ask someone if I look in distress all the time, seriously.”
Internal self says: “Do your reading for lectures, don’t watch Prison Break, I wish they had the new seasons on Netflix. Oh there’s mint chocolate in the fridge, yassss queen!”
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS: I WATCH PRISON BREAK, I EAT THE CHOCOLATE.
Internal self says: “Yes gal, you do that reading now. Also, next time don’t wear various different shades of grey outside of the house, it’s not great. Diet Prada expects better, man Diet Prada’s great”
*Sometime passes in which I do and finish all readings*
Internal self says: “Oh yay, messages – conversation!”
*Conversation occurs for a time*
Internal self says: “He’s seen the message – and hasn’t replied. Now what? Can I start the conversation or do I wait? This amount of panic and questioning is stupid, I know that and yet I am doing it, who am I?
What shall I do? What would I do if I was Lena Durham? I love Lena Durham, she’s a goddess.
Finally reaches consensus, I KNOW [what to do] …. MORE READING, BECAUSE THERE IS ALWAYS MORE READING [WHICH IS ACTUALLY COOL BECAUSE I ENJOY THIS DEGREE SO MUCH [probably more chocolate too?]”
END OF MONDAY’S INNER MONOLOGUE
I’ve written this to hopefully make you laugh, because it’s Monday and everyone needs to laugh, but a part of it’s serious, because a lot of the time in my normal day, I will deal with some challenging aspects – that are unique to me and my wheelchair. I haven’t told you about most of those, just a couple mainly to do with the bus, but I think if you take anything, wheelchair related from this – please bare in mind: people who use wheelchairs if they need help, will ask. To help is great, but in my case; I am able to do most of the day, myself – and I hope I don’t look in distress constantly [I don’t plan to] but rest assured, I – and those I know will ask if we need help. Also if you do ever see a person in a wheelchair or with any kind of disability, being denied a service, due to the aforementioned – where possible, and if needed, speak up. Sometimes it takes lots of people, to enlighten one person. In this case though I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt, because I knew another bus was here soon, others mightn’t be as lucky. The other aspects of my day were just to let you know that you’re not alone – I get you, your pondering of FB conversations, love of Chocolate and HBO, as well as your avoidance [sometimes] of reading for lectures.